


Crawling Back To You

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Future, M/M, Points of View, Romance, Sequel, Unsafe Sex, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-12
Updated: 2005-12-25
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:53:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 21,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Sequel to Finding Our Way. Justin returns home on Christmas eve. Lives will be changed. Paths re-routed.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: I didn't make you guys wait too long for the sequel. lol. :) I hope you enjoy!  


* * *

I've tried for one year. One year to move on. To start life again, but I can't. It's too painful. Everyday I look in the mirror and I can't recognize myself any more. Because the 19 year old that still lives insside me wants to turn back time. Wants to forget that the past 6 years ever happened. 

The day of Brian's wedding my heart died. I could feel it. My legs kept telling me to run, don't look back. But my eyes made me stay. Shielded behind a bush I saw Brian say I do. I saw Brian slide the ring on _his_ finger, watched as the minister said they were official. 

For the life of me I can't figure out why I stayed, but I was transfixed as they kissed and were greeted by the, no their family. Because I hadn't been a part of that. I had choosen to stay away. 

Brian told everyone it was mutual, but it wasn't. I remember him calling me one night, he asked me to come home. To be with him. At that time I was busy with a show and told myself that next week I would.   
Next week turned into the following week, following month and one night I found myself on the phone with him. Once again he asked me to come home. I should have hung up right then and grabbed the first flight back to the Pitts. I could have painted from there. But I didn't. Funny how should've and could've don't change the present. 

The show I did a few years ago at The Byrnes Galler went well. Brian pulled out as the ad account rep and sent one of his executives instead. Part of me was incredibly greatful that I wouldn't have to see him and that ring on his finger every day for a month. 

Tim and I are still together. Though on my end it's a convenience relationship. I have someone to go home to every night, who loves me. 

As terrible as it may seem it helps to fill the numbness I feel. 

Tomorrow's Christmas and I can almost hear the panic bells going off in my head. We're going to be boarding a plane in a few moments and flying back to Pittsburgh. It'll be the first time in 6 years I will talk to anyone there with the exception of my mother. No one at Brian's wedding saw me and that was just fine with me. 

Tomorrow, though, we're suppose to go over to Debbie's. My mom, Tuck and Molly have done it every year since I left for New York. Sooner or later I need to face my past, to attempt to live again. 

Tim grabs my hand as the anouncer informs everyone that the plane will start boarding rows 20-28. That's us. Please let this go over okay.


	2. Night Confessions

Married. I've been married for a year. It hasn't been easy. Kevin and I only lived together for two weeks before we got married, so learning to live with him was tough. We fought almost everyday for months about small stuff. I know alot of it had to do with Justin. 

I didn't find out until weeks later, but Kevin heard Justins confession to me. Kevin was and still is to this day afraid that I'm going to leave him. I told him I do and I plan on honoring it. 

But then there's Justin. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and what he said to me. His tears, his pain because of me. 

"Hey sexy." Kevin whispers in my ear as he hugs me from behind. 

All thoughts of Justin leave me as I pull my lover in front of me. "Hi."

"Still on for Debs tomorrow?" 

Giving him a quick kiss I smile. "If I don't she'll have my ball."

"Better not let that happen." He murmurs kissing my neck. "So have you been a good boy or a bad boy this year?"

Pulling him up by his collar, I plunge my tongue into his mouth, my cock becomming increasingly hard. 

"By the way..." He pulls back.

"Hmm?"

"Emmett told me Justins going to be there tomorrow." And with that my cock softens.


	3. 1st Step

  
Author's notes: Okay just to point some things out. Tucker and Jenn are still together. But not married. And I forgot how old Molly was when QAF started so I guessed on that part. 

On another note I was up from 9 pm yesterday until 1:30 this morning writng this chapter. Sooo you guys might not get another update until tomorrow. :)  


* * *

"Just!" Molly yelps practically throwing herself in my arms. I can't believe how much she looks like my mom. 

Smiling, I hug her back. "Hey Mullosk!"

"Justin you haven't called me that since I was 7 years old. I'm 16 now." She informs me.

"I'm sorry your heiness." Her cheeks go a pale red and I can't help but laugh.

She looks over my shoulder and spots Tim. "Who's this?"

"Molly, this is Tim. Tim this is my sister Molly."

Tim steps up next to me and kisses her on the cheek which makes her blush again.

"Justin! Justin!" My mother is next and wraps her arms around me so tight that I can barely breathe and I can feel tears on my shoulder. "Honey, I can't believe your here." 

Hugging my mom back I can't help but notice tears on my cheeks as well when we pull back from each other. 

"Hi mom." 

She too notices Tim. "Hi, you must be Tim. I'm Jennifer, Justin's mother."

"It's a pleasure Jennifer." Tim leans down and kisses her cheek as well.

My mother smiles. "Well, you boys have got to be tired, it's late. I have the spare bedroom made up for you boys."

"Thanks mom." I grab my bag and Tim follows me upstairs.

I sigh and pull off my shirt once we get in the room. I feel Tims eyes on my back as he closes the door. 

"So..." 

Closing my eyes, I throw myself on the bed. "Can we go back to New York now?"

"Oh come on. It's not that bad." Tim chuckles and sits next to me.

"It will be come tomorrow." 

Tim rolls over onto me. "Let's get these jeans off of you." 

I feel him start to kiss my neck and run his hand down to the buttons on my jeans.

"Tim..."

"Hmm?" He starts to move his lips southward.

"Tim."

He ignores me and continues doing what he's doing. God it feels good but then I remember.

"TIM! Stop." I pull his face off my body.

"What?" Tim groans.

Rubbing my eyes I really don't want to start a fight. "My sister's in the room across the hall."

"So? We can be quiet." He purrs and starts to kiss my neck again.

Pulling his head up, I look him straight in the eyes. "I said no. This is my moms' house. My little sister is right across the hall." I repeat.

"This is about Brian." 

"No this is not about Brian."

Tim gives me a look. I really don't want to get into this now. 

"Every time _I_ want to have sex you're not in the mood. Yet you expect sex whenever you want it." Tim spats sitting up.

I can't believe he just said that. "What?" I shoot up off the bed. 

"I don't think I need to say it again. So that's that."

"No, that's not fucking that. You're not going to bring up Brian and than say that's that."

Tim stands up and slips off his jeans. "We're done with this conversation."

"Excuse me?" I can't believe what he's saying.

He just looks at me and gets into bed. 

"Fine, if that's the way you want to play it. Than fine." I state pulling back on my t-shirt.

Slamming the door shut, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen and to the refrigerator.

"Hey." 

I feel my heart stop for a second and turn around to face the voice. It's Tucker. 

"Uh, hi."

Tucker motions to the kitchen chair opposite of him. "Want some cold pizza?"

"No." I take the seat.

"So I heard you and your boyfriend." He blurts.

I'm slightly embarassed by that. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. Everything alright?" I must give him an odd look. "I know it's probably private. I know you probably don't like me very well. I just thought if you need to talk I'm here."

"As a parental figure?" I ask sarcastically.

Tucker smiles. "As a friend."

"You know I use to think you were just a cheap fling for my middle aged mother. Just her boy toy."

He smirks. "Ah, I remember. The day you first met me you asked me in other words if I was fucking your mother."

I have to chuckle at that. 

"So?"

Sighing, I decide to take a slice of pizza. "How much time do you have? By the way, why are you up?"

"It's Christmas eve. Someone has to wait up for Santa."

Letting out another sigh, I settle in for a long night. 

"Umm, where do I begin? I'm in love with someone who loves me but won't be with me. I have a boyfriend out of convenience. My life is a fucking mess. I'm twenty fucking eight years old and all I want to be able to do is wake up in the morning and not have all the regrets I do now. I just want to come home, ya know?" 

Tucker nods. "Than why don't you?"

"It's not that easy." It's not.

"Oh, I think it is." 

I pick up a napkin off the table and start to shread it. "I have a life there."

"One where you sound like your miserable in."

"Tim's there."

"The one who's the convenience." Tucker adds.

I let air escape between my lips. "I love him. I really do. He's always been there for me. He fills the void. He's just not..."

"Brian." Tucker concludes. 

Tucker smiles sadly at me. "You really do love him. I mean whole heartedly love him."

Burying my head in my arms, I nod. "He doesn't want me." I feel the tears start.

"He's a fool."

"He's being safe." I admit. "I broke his heart." I try to wipe my eyes but the tears keep coming.

Tucker stands up. "Justin you deserve happiness in your life. I hope you can find that with Tim. But even though you may not think it, you can always go home."


	4. Stepping Away

  
Author's notes: Brian's POV  


* * *

I knew I was in for a rough night. After Kevin dropped the bomb, he went up to bed. I can't believe he told met that way. I am so pissed at him for doing that. I'm fucking tired but there's no way in hell I'm getting into the same bed as him.

Letting out a cough, I make my way through the kitchen and to the door right next to the fridge. I can't help but close my eyes as I flip on the light switch in the room. It still looks the same as it did six years ago. The only thing different is that we pushed the boxes to the back of the room and put a few of Gus's toys in it. This was suppose to be Justins art studio. For some reason I can't bring myself to change it. 

When we first moved in here he got to work right away and started painting things on the wall. Gus, Linds, Melanie, Michael, Ben, Debbie, Jenn, Molly, and myself. I remeber asking him why he would want to surround himself with our faces, our bodies. He just shrugged and smiled but later in bed he admitted we made him feel safe and loved. So they are still there as well as a huge, uncovered window. Some of the boxes still hold his stuff. Old charcoals, a few of his painting t-shirts, story boards for the then next edition of RAGE. 

Kevin has asked me a few times to throw that stuff away, but a part of me can't. I know I should. I know that it makes him uncomfortable. But for some reason when I go to do it, my arms won't coroporate. Once, I even caught Kevin trying to get rid of the stuff and needless to say I ended up sleeping on the couch for a week. 

I guess it's just comforting on some inappropriate way. I'm married and that should be enough. 

Grabbing the blanket off the sofa we put in there for Gus, I shut off the light, close the door and settle in for a restless night. 

 

The sound of footsteps pull me out of sleep. When I finally roll over and open my eyes, Kevin is standing in front of me holding out a cup of coffee. 

"Merry Christmas!" He's all smiles.

Groaning, I fight myself and sit up. "Morning." 

"Deb called about an hour ago. She wanted to remind us to be at her house around 3." He informs me.

"Wait." I say after I've had a sip of coffee. "You can't come in here and act like what you told me last night doesn't matter."

"Brian I..."

I take another sip of coffee. "No Kevin. I don't know how many fucking times I have to tell you, but I love you. You have the fucking ring, don't you? So why do you still feel so threatened by Justin? He's brought up everytime you want to hurt me or piss me off. Why?"

He sighs and sits down next to me. "I don't know...maybe because he was as much to you as you were to him a first love. I can never compete with that."

"You don't have to." I smile at him and lean in for a kiss.

After we pull apart he still looks apprehensive.

"What?" I almsot whisper.

He wrings his hands together. "We're okay, right?"

"Yeah we're okay." 

Standing up, he holds out his hand. "Good. Let's go grab a shower and get ready to go over Debs. If your nice you might get your present."

"And if I'm naughty?" I raise an eyebrow and smirk.

"Then you're definately getting it."


	5. Barely Walking

  
Author's notes: Justin's POV  


* * *

I wake up to someone shaking my shoulder. "Mmm, Tim g'way."

Closing my eyes tighter, but they shake harder. 

"Justin." I hear a whisper in my ear. What the fuck? That's not Tim, it's my mom. What the hell is she doing in the bedroom. 

I crack an eye open and am met with oak wood. The events of the night flood back into my mind as I realize that I must have fallen asleep in the kitchen shortly after Tucker went to bed. I let out a yawn and sit up to look at her. Fuck! My neck is sore.

Smiling, she puts a mug in front of me. "Black, strong." 

The scent fills my nostrils and I can't resist and take a sip. "Mornng."

"Merry Christmas." She says and sits down next to me. "Rough night?"

Shrugging, I take another sip of my coffee. I don't want to deal with the inquisition at what time is it? 8:00 am? 

"Tucker told me about Tim and your little spat last night."

"It's nothing mom."

She puts down the cup she was just drinking. "Honey, it's not nothing. I find you sound asleep at the kitchen table. Now you were either waiting for Santa to come or you were avoiding going to bed. I highly doubt it was the first."

"It's nothing mom." I repeat. "Things are a little tough right now. They'll smooth out."

She sighs and pulls her robe tighter around her. "I won't pry. But I just want you to know that if you need me, I'm here."

"Thanks mom. By the way Merry Christmas back." 

Just then my sister decides to make her entrance. She's already showered and dressed. "Merry Christmas!" 

"Mol why the hell are you so up at 8 in the fucking morning. When I was 16 I was still asleep, and mom had to drag me out of bed so you could open your presents." I joke.

Molly shrugs. "I can't look bad around your boyfriend. He's hot. Granted not as hot as Brian."

 

"Who is?" I mumble into the black liquid not realizing what I had said until it came out of my mouth. 

 

Molly heard me and just smiles brightly. 

"I'm going to go take a shower." I tell no one imparticular and head up to the guest room. 

When I get there Tim is just getting up. He turns towards me. "I'm sorry."

Shrugging it off, I nod. "Nothing to be sorry about. We both said somethings that were stupid."

"Regardless, I didn't mean it." He adds sincerly.

I smile and grab a change of clothes. "I'm going to take a shower. Want to join me?"

"Hmm, I don't know." He smiles and grabs his clothes too.

I let him fuck me twice in the shower and once when we're getting dried off. For some reason I feel guilty and now know what it must be like for women sometimes; having to fake orgasms. It was easy to do in the shower. But I really had to almost force myself to have a real one when we got out of the water.

He was happy he got to fuck me and I was just happy he got it over with. That sounds terrible. I know. But I just haven't been in the mood lately.

Finally, we're both dressed and downstairs. Tucker and my mom are ready as well.

"Justin, your gran called and wants us to stop by for a little while. If that's okay I thought we'd stop there and then go to Debs." My mother asks me.

I turn to Tim who shrugs. "Sure." 

As Molly grabs Tims' arm and starts chattering on about embarassing stories involving me, Tucker hangs back.

"Get through today Justin. Then tomorrow you can decide what to do." He encourages.

I nod. "Thanks Tucker."


	6. Half Step

Deb's house looks like the North Pole exploded in it. After Vic died, she made every Christmas bigger and brighter then before. 

Even though the house is gaudy and if you looked at it too long you'd probably burn your eyes due to the brightness, it's also somewhat comforting. Smiling to myself, I realize that I have family who cares about me. Not that I'd ever tell them that. Hey, I've got to show the world that Brian Kinney didn't turn into a total lesbian. 

"Brian!" Deb shrieks and pulls me into a hug. I can't help but wrap my arms around the woman. 

"Hi Deb. Merry Christmas." I kiss her on the cheek.

She blushes and turns to Kevin. "And you hubby, come here." 

"Hi Debbie." He repeats and kisses her cheek as well.

"Well I can see that marriage hasn't stopped the infamous Kinney from being fashionably late." She laughs.

I smile at that. "Well you know me Deb. Got to keep appearances and all that."

"More like you guys were probably too busy fucking your brains out to realize the time." 

Kevin turns pink at that statement.

"Everyone here?" I ask looking around.

Deb nods and takes ours coats. That's when I spot him. He's sitting with Melanie and Lindsey, sitting next to whom I know is Tim.

Linds says something that makes him laugh and he looks away. Our eyes lock and I can't help but be taking aback by his beauty.

I'm pulled out of my shock by Kevin pulling me towards the kitchen "Come on honey, let's help Deb in the kitchen."

Honey? He's never called me fucking honey before. But before I have time to process it further I find a tray in my hands and am being pointed in the directiion of the table.

Dinner goes over fine. The usual, Mel and Linds fawning over how successful Justin has become. Telling him of their Canadian adventure before returning home, Debbie and Carl being delirously in love. I smile over at Michael who half smiles at me. Ben's HIV has developed into AIDS and the doctor told them that this would probably be their last   
Christmas together. 

Justin excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and I feel glances shot my way. I keep repeating to myself that I'm married to try and block out everyone. But I just can't take it any more. "I'm going to smoke." I look at Kevin but it's pointed to everyone. 

Kevin nods. 

"Not to long. We've got presents." Deb states as I walk out the door.

I'm stopped dead in my tracks, though. Justin is outside sitting on the front porch, just staring in front of him. Cigarette in hand.

"Escaping?" I manage to say.

He takes a puff of the stick and faces me. "Something like that." 

"Weren't you suppose to be in the porcelin office?"

He shrugs. "So I lied. I just had to get away. Fucking Christmas."

I nod in agreement and take a seat next to him.

"What about you? Shouldn't you be in their with your hubby?" He asks sarcastically. 

Lighting a cigarette, I inhale generously. 

Justin puts out his and turns to me. "I'm sorry for saying that. It was stupid."

"Forget it." I say instinctively.

He nods at me. 

"So, you okay?" 

Shrugging again, he stands up.

I put out my cigarette as well and join him. "Merry Christmas."

"You too." He takes a step closer. My body can't help but react and I inch closer to him.

I soon find my lips on his. It feels so good, but then I remember where I am. 

"We can't do this here." Justin gasps.

Nodding in agreement, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. "We shouldn't be doing this at all. I'm married. I made a commitment. You know how I feel about commitments." 

"I know." He whispers.

"I want this to work out with Kevin." I admit and realize that I do. "We have a life."

He takes my hand into his. "I understand."

"I love him." I know it sounds forced and I can't figure out who I'm trying to convince with that. 

Justin just stares at me.

"Fuck...meet me at the corner of Liberty and Tenth at the Rising Star. 7?"

"The flea bag motel?" He asks a little disgusted.

I nod. "We'll just get a room, talk. Find out what's going on so we can both move on with our lives."

"I'll be there." Justin promises.

Pulling my hand out of his grasp, I turn and head back into the house. Justin follows a few moments later.

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch. 

Gus now 11, got almost every X-Box game invented. J.R. who's 7 recieved barbies and the Bratz dolls. I gave Ben and Michael a paid vacation to Tibet. Michael broke down on my shoulder, Hunter was given money to help pay his rent on his soon to be New York apartment. He ended up graduating with a degree in theatre and surprisingly enough was cast in an off Broadway play. Kevin presented me with a brand new blackberry and I gave him a brand new Cartier watch. Linds and Mel gave each other jewelry. When Deb prompted Justin and Tim to exchange gifts, she was met with excuses. 

Finally after ten minutes of badgering, Deb gave up and let everyone just enjoy their time together.

Kevin cuddled into my side as Gus tells me stories about Brandon at school and his teacher Mrs. Smith. I felt someones eyes on me and out of the corner of my eye saw Justin.

How the fuck did I get myself into this mess? I have Kevin. He loves me, he's supportive, good in bed. He gave himself to me whole heartedly without a second thought. That should be enough. When things ended with Justin, I really was prepared to being the old Brian Kinney. The slut of Liberty Ave. Then Kevin came along. At first I think it really was just because I wanted companionship. Then developed into something alot like love. Sure I say it's love, but every time I see Justin my heart leaps and stops and I know that that's love. But I don't want to leave him, because he does love me and needs me.


	7. The Right Thing

"Well that went alright." Tim murmurs removing his tie.

I shrug. "I guess. I just wish Deb would have let up on the presents thing sooner then she did." We both decided to not do the whole gift exchange thing.

"She didn't know." Tim adds and pulls off his pants. 

Taking off my shirt, I nod. "Come're." Tim motions and grabs the base of my pants. "Even though I didn't get you a gift, I have a present right here for you, but you have to wrap it first."

I almost laugh at his way of trying to be seductive. Feeling guilty about the kiss I shared with Brian, I allow him to undress me. 

When I feel myself being laid down on the bed, all I want to do is run away and get out of this mess. But I just lay there and let Tim do whatever he wants to me.

"You okay?" He asks me after he fucks and blows me.

"Great." I force a smile.

He smiles back. "Good. By the way you are incredible in bed." 

"Thanks. You, uh, you were too." 

I feel him move closer to me and soon he's asleep. That's when I feel the bile start to rise in my throat and I swallow it down. Tim and I are over. It's been over for a while. 

I should've ended it years ago, but the thought of being lonely is too much. It's like the whole fiasco after Ethan all over again. Only that time, Brian took me back.

Is it the right thing to see Brian tomorrow? Meet him at that hole in the wall, sleeze bag motel? I guess I'm going to find out tomorrow.


	8. Contentment

  
Author's notes: Dedicated to:  
  
sake - not exactly make up sex but sex between our boys none the less :)  
  
Moviebuff83 - thanks for all the reviews and words of encouragement!  


* * *

"So I've got to meet a client at 7." I say nonchalantly.

Kevin drops the egg he was holding. "What?"

"I'm sorry. Short notice. They said tonight was the only night they could do it." I add.

"You promised no work the week of Christmas." 

I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. "It's business."

"It's always business." He spits at me.

"What's the problem?" I ask, feeling the anger fill me.

Kevin just goes back to cooking.

"Look, I'm so fucking sick of us fighting everyday about stupid shit. Do you know there hasn't been one day, one FUCKING day that we haven't fought since we were married?" I am so pissed off at him right now.

"Well I'm fucking sorry. But forgive me for wanting to spend some time with my husband. Christ Brian I only see you for more than a few hours on weekends. Forgive me for wanting to be with you!" He screams.

I run a hand over my face. "Look, it'll only be for a couple hours..."

"I know. You'll be home in time to fuck me. Isn't that right? Isn't that what you always say?" 

"You know what Kevin. Go to hell." I grab my coat off the bar stool.

"Don't bother coming into our bed tonight." He adds still looking at the dinner he's cooking.

Turning towards him I can feel my blood boiling. "Don't worry I wouldn't want to."

 

I channel all my anger into driving into Pittsburgh and to the seedy motel I told Justin to meet me at.

I think it's becomming a pattern for me to ask myself what the hell I'm doing, because that's all I seem to be doing lately. 

Fuck, I'm lying to my husband about meeting a client to see Justin. How fucked up is that? 

Before I realize it I'm parking in the lot. I spot him immediately. "Hey." I call out to him.

"Hey." He answers and follows me into the office.

I pay for a room and soon we're headed to room 7. The first thing I notice when the door is open is the faint smell of sex and urine.

"Lovely." Justin says sarcastically following me in.

Removing my jacket, I try to find a halfway clean spot to put it. Finally I just settle by throwing it on the back of a chair. Justin takes off his scarf and coat and puts it on top of mine.

"So?" He asks.

I really don't know what to say to him. True it was my idea to come here, but after that I really had no idea.

"You fuck with my mind." I finally blurt. 

He looks taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"You. Because of you my marriage is going down the shitter." 

"And this is my fault how?" He looks angry.

I shrug. "Why the fuck did you have to come to me the day of my wedding and proclaim your undying love to me? What the fuck did you think would happen? That I'd take you back? If you did then you're even more fucked up then I thought." I don't do regrets, but if I did I'd regret saying that because of the hurt look on his face.

"Is this why you asked me to come here? So you could berate me? Because if you did, then Mr. Kinney I don't really want to hear it." He starts to wrap his scarf around his neck. 

"Have a nice life, have a nice career, goodbye." 

"Wait." I grab his arm as he's pulling on the sleeve of his coat. 

"Yes?" He asks shortly.

So I do the first thing that pops into my mind; I kiss him. I kiss him hard. Our teeth smash together in a battle of tongues and saliva. 

I grab his coat and try to pull it off his arm without breaking the kiss. I'm not so successful and a rip fills the room. He pulls away and his sweater over his head in less then a second. He grabs my neck and brings our lips together again. I unbutton my shirt without pulling away from him and pretty soon our naked chests meet. I can't get enough of the blonde in front of me and grab his pants zipper. With one fluid motion I have his jeans pooled at his ankles. 

Finally pulling away from each other we're both gasping for air. He attacks my neck with his mouth and tugs on my pants. I let out a moan at about the same time they are on the floor. 

I pull his face up to mine and plunge my tongue back into his mouth. We don't loose contact as we both toe off our shoes. 

After a few moments I allow myself to breathe and quickly pull off my briefs. Justin does the same and within seconds we're back on each other. He falls back on the bed and yanks me down with him. Attacking his nipples he moans and it's music to my ears. 

"I...need you...in...me...now." He gasps.

I kiss him.

"Con...dom.." He breathes.

As fast as I can I search my pants for one. I always have a fucking condom. That's when it hits me like a ton of bricks. I don't carry condoms any more. After Kevin and I got married we stopped using them.

I look down at the angel writhing on the bed in front of me and my heart stops. "I don't have one." I must sound panicked.

"Just fuck me." Justin sounds desperate.

I run a hand through my hair. "I don't have a condom." 

"Doesn't matter. Just fuck me." He begs.

My better judgement tells me that it's a bad idea but I can't help myself and crawl on top of him. 

My finger probes him and he smiles in  
encouragement, so I add a second, third and fourth. 

By that time he's squirming on the bed and his cock is weeping.

"Now!" He screams.

My penis is rock hard now and I plunge into him. It feels incredible, like coming home. I can't control my actions and soon I'm plowing into him. 

"I...I love you!" I scream as the most intense orgasm I've ever had hits me. Waves of pleasure fill my body over and over again. Justin cums a second later all over our chests.

When I finally regain composure I see Justin smiling his sunshine smile at me and roll on top of him again.

We fucked four more times. Hard and fast, slow and leisurely and everything in between. 

Finally we both fall asleep wrapped in each others arms and for the first time in years I'm content with my life.


	9. All I Have

  
Author's notes: Thank you, thank you, thank s a gazillion times for all the wonderful feedback and e-mails. I'm really glad that you guys enjoy this story. At first I though the prospect of b/o and j/o might scare people away. But you guys are sticking with it with me. So thanks again! :)  


* * *

It was amazing being with Brian again. Especially doing it raw. I still can't believe it. Even now as I lay in his arms. I rub my ear along his chest and can hear his heart beating as he slowly runs his fingers through my hair. His hand stills and he starts to gently snore. Kissing his chest one last time I allow sleep to claim me. 

 

The moonlight pours through the room and gently brings me out of sleep. Rolling over I smile. "Hi."

When I get no response my eyes open and I realize he's not in bed with me. "Brian?"

No answer. I climb out of bed and look in the bathroom. He's not there. Where the fuck is he? 

Pulling on my briefs, I look out the window and see his car is gone and there's a piece of paper taped to the door. 

_"Dear Justin,_

_I just wanted you to know that even though tonight was incredbible, it was a one time thing. What we had together doesn't exist any more. I'm married._

_Brian"_

I don't buy it. If what we had doesn't exist any more why the hell would Brian fuck me without a condom? I know there is something else there and I'm going to prove it to him. 

Quick as I can I wipe myself up and with one glance around the seedy room, I throw on my clothes and shoes. Grab my half shredded coat and scarf and am out the door.

 

The house is dark when I get home. Glancing at the clock it reads 4:27 am. As quietly as I can I start to head upstairs when a light in the living room clicks on. It's Tim.

"You were with him, weren't you?" He asks standing up.

I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

"Does it matter?" I answer with a sigh.

"You were." He states.

Unwrapping the scarf from around my neck I take in a breath. "If you already knew, then why ask?" 

Tim closes his eyes. "I love you. So much. Maybe more then you'll ever know."

"I don't know what to say." I don't.

"Say that you were safe. Say that you at least were safe wih him." 

Opening my mouth, I notice nothing is coming out.

His mouth falls at my reaction. "You weren't? Justin I...I don't know what to do. Tell me what I do when my boyfriend has sex without a condom with his former fiance who is married for fuck sake. How do I handle that? I know on your part I was just there. Someone to take care of you, love you. But in return I atleast expected an ounce of respect. It's not like I figured you'd never fuck another guy. But at most I thought you'd use protection."

"I'm sorry." I know it's not enough but it's all I have.

He half laughs half lets out a sob. "I know. That's the sad part."

I set down my coat with tears forming in my eyes. My shoes come off next before they start pouring down my face. 

Just then a kleenex appears in front of my face, looking up I see Tucker.

"Do you ever sleep?" I try to crack a joke but it only comes out as a question.

He chuckles. "Hey, I was just going to the bathroom when I heard you and him."

"Sorry." I mumble taking the kleenex and wiping my eyes.

"Seems like you're saying that alot these days." He mentions.

Shrugging, I throw the tissue on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch. "Because that's all that I am."

He sits next to me. 

"Shouldn't you be getting back to my mother?" I try to change the subject, he knows.

"Nice try, Taylor." 

I lean my head onto the back of the couch. "It's complicated."

"You want to know about complicated. Try being 31 and having your girlfriend be a 56 year old woman. Our relationship isn't the best one on earth, but we're making it work." He adds.

"That's the difference between us. You have a relationship to make work. I don't even have that." 

He nods. "You want my advice? Let Tim go, this isn't fair to him or you. Move on with your life."

"Sounds logical doesn't it?" I agree. "Believe me Tucker that thought crosses my mind a million times a day. For some reason I can't bring myself to end it." 

"Seems like it's already ended from what I heard." 

I shrug. "It's not. You want to know why? Because Tim is a great guy and he wants to be with me so badly that he'll do anything to keep me. Even if that includes fucking Brian without a condom. I know that. That's part of the reason why. He'll never leave me and I don't have the strength to be alone. Pathetic, huh?" 

"What happened to the confidant, in your face guy I met at the gallery?" He asks.

I let out a sad laugh. "He put his career before love and fell so far down that he doesn't know if he'll ever get up."

"This isn't healthy Justin." 

"Don't I know it? But it's all I have."


	10. The Way Things Are

  
Author's notes: Again, I just want to thank everyone for their continued support. I haven't had time to write everyone back who has e-mailed me yet because I've had such an outpouring of reviews and words of encouragement sent to me. But don't worry I will get back to you. So again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!   


* * *

I can't believe what just happpened. I can't believe that I fucked Justin raw. I went there to let him know that we would never be together again and I end up fucking his brains out.

 

Quietly, I open the front door to the house and head upstairs into the guest room. Striping down to nothing but my underwear, I crawl into bed. Thoughts of Justin underneath me, writhing in pleasure fill my mind and I find myself becoming hard. Guilt takes me but I run my hand down to my cock anyway. Ever so slowly I start to stroke myself imagining it's Justin running his tongue up and down it. 

I'm so into what I'm doing that I don't notice the door creaking open and someone padding into the room. 

"Let me help you with that." Comes a sultry voice. 

I look up at Kevin. 

"I'm sorry about earlier." He adds and slips under the covers with me. Replacing my hand with his own. My stomach starts to churn the more he rubs me. I fight the urge to vomit as I cum into his hand.

Kevin curls into me and falls asleep seconds later and I can't help but feel angry at him, at Justin, but mainly at myself. I'm so angry at myself for believing I would fall for anyone but Justin. Shit, that's the first time I've even allowed myself to think that. 

Looking down at the sleeping man in my arms, I can't bring myself to hurt him. He's been there for me, he's the man I thought I could comfortably be with, he's the one that I'm convincing myself I love. But the longer time goes on, the harder it gets. I know that this isn't right, isn't fair but for me it just is. It just is the way things are.


	11. Alone

  
Author's notes: Update: Justin's 28 here not 20  


* * *

"Justin." A voice calls softly, shaking my shoulder.

Yawning I open my eyes to see my mother standing there with two cups of coffee.

"Is this going to become a repeatitive thing for you?" She asks with a smile, handing me one of the cups.

Stretching, I sit up and realize that I must have fallen asleep on the couch. 

She sits next to me. "It's been two days since you got here and not once have you slept in a bed. Is everything alright?"

"Tim and I are just having some problems." I reply knowing it's a lie. Our whole relationship is a problem. 

"What kind of problems?" She asks.

I give her a look. 

"Fine, I'll drop it." She says taking a sip of her coffee. "So, I read in Art Forum that you are becoming one of the hottest artists in New York. They said that every piece in the last three shows of yours have completely sold out and the Chicago Museum of Modern Art is interested in featuring one your pieces. They also said you will be speaking at NYU." 

I smile at that. "That's just speculation. I haven't been offered a contract yet, but I have met with a few feelers from the CMMA. The NYU thing is scheduled in two weeks."

"Well I certainly expect that eventually Molly and I will be invited to attend something of yours in New York." She adds putting her cup down.

I can feel myself turning red. "I'm sorry."

"Uh huh. I want you to call me before the event happens instead of reading it in Art Forum post happening." She informs me. "You may becomming the next artist to change the world, but I'm sure even Warhol remembered he had a mother."

"I will mom. It's just things were so hectic and everything happened so fast..." I try to excuse myself. I know that I should've told her about the shows. 

With a smile she turns to me. "Nice try."

"I promise that any show I have, you'll be the first one I call." I smile back at her. 

She puts her arm around me in a semi-hug before getting up. 

"Mom?"

She turns towards me. "Hmm?"

I want to tell her everything that's going on with me. I want her to know, but for some reason when I open my mouth I can't. "Nothing. Thanks."

Nodding at me, she heads up the stairs.

Why am I so fucking weak? What happened to independant Justin? The only excuse I can make for myself is seeing Brian with someone else, knowing he lives in _that_ house with someone else solidifies in my mind that it's really over. But then again last night floods my mind and for some reason I can't accept that. It can't be over. It just can't. 

Taking the stairs two at a time, I enter my room for the week. Tim is in there, the luggage is on the bed and he's packing.

"What're you doing?" I ask tenatively closing the door.

He throws a shirt in the suitcase followed by another. "What does it look like?"

"Why?" I say softly.

Tim turns to me and has such hurt and anger in his eyes that I have to look away. "Why? Why?! For starters you fucked someone else without a condom. Then you didn't even try to cover up for yourself. I'm a so tired of just being there." 

"You're not. You..." I start but he cuts me off as if he never heard me.

"Here's the thing, and I know you're going to find this fucking hillarious. I actually thought that with time and enough love I could make you forget about Brian. That you'd realize you were in love with me too, we could have a family, hell maybe even get married." He throws the cover on top of the suitcase and with angry fingers, zips it. "But I guess the joke was on me."

I just stand there. "Tim...I'm-"

"Sorry. I really wish you'd stop fucking saying that already! What does that do? It doesn't change anything. It's just a useless word that we say to try and lessen the damage of the situation. But it's nothing. So you're saying it means nothing to me."

"So you're just going to leave? You knew this about me Tim. You knew that I still loved Brian! I told you that when we first started seeing each other. You said you were fine with that. You've been saying you are fine with it!" I yell back.

Yanking the case off the bed, he slams it on the floor. "God damnit Justin! You just don't get it! I said that because I thought eventually you'd get over this, him! It's been five years. You're twenty fucking eight years old, you should be able to act maturally and get over him. He obviously got over you!" 

"That's why he fucked me last night?!" I scream. "That's why he told me he loved me when he came!" 

Tim smirks. "He probably fucked you because he knew it'd be easy. You're practically the whore of New York City. Don't think I don't know about all the men you've slept with since Brian has gotten married. Do you do that to prove you're still desirable even if he didn't want you? Or just because Kinney taught you how to be a slut!?"

I can only stare at him in shock. "Fuck you." 

He knows he crossed the line with that statement and reaches out his hand to me. "Jus I'm, I..."

"No. Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me. Not now, not ever again." I growl.

"Justin, I didn't mean that. I didn't." He whispers.

I take a step backwards. "You did. But just so you know, I have only slept with two people since Brian got married. You and him."

He grabs his bag and stops in front of me. "I'll get my stuff out of the apartment. I'll be at my sisters place."

"I don't care." I murmur as he walks out of the room, the house and probably my life forever.

My mom, Molly and Tucker are all standing in the hall when I find the courage to leave.

"How much did you guys hear?" I ask knowing they probably heard it all.

Tucker unwraps his arm from my mother. "Enough."

"Honey I'm sorry." My mom says softly.

Shrugging I push past them towards the bathroom.

"Justin?" Molly calls after me.

Turning towards her I'm afraid of her question.

"Did you really fuck Brian without a condom?" 

I let out a small laugh. "Yeah."

She smiles back at me before I shut the bathroom door.

Sitting on the toilet, I allow the tears to fall. It's not like I didn't think this day would come. I just always thought I'd be the one to initiate it. Now that it's happened I don't know what to do. I'm alone again and that thought frightens the hell out of me.


	12. Visits To You

Yawning, I roll over to see Kevin tying his shoe. 

"Where are you going?" I ask.

He turns to me and smiles. "I've thought alot about what you said yesterday. Ya know, about us fighting everyday and I have decided that today was not going to be one of those days. So I'm going to the grocery store, the one in Pittsburgh on Liberty Ave that sells all that organic food, and we're going to have a romantic dinner. Just the two of us. Clothing optional." 

I can't help but smile back. "Hurry back." 

He leans down and pecks me on the cheek. "Oh, I'm also stopping at the video store, florist and I need to go to Linds and Mel's for a second." He kisses me again just about the time I find myself drifting back to sleep.

 

A pounding pulls me out of blackness and I can't figure out where it's coming from. It gets louder and I realize it's the door. "Fuck. I'm coming!" I scream pulling on a pair of pants. The knocking gets more insistent. "I'm coming already! Stop fucking pounding!" 

I finally reach the door and pulling it open to a very dishelved and dazed looking Justin. His fist is still in the air in some mid-pound stance. "Uh, hi." He blurts.

"Justin?" I rub my eyes. "What the fuck are you doing here? And so early in the morning."

"It's noon." He replies. "I just need to talk to you."

I nod. "Fine. But only because Kevin's not here right now." 

He nods also and I lead him into the living room. 

"So I...I just wanted you to know things between Tim and I are over." 

I raise an eyebrow at him. 

"Well actually he left me." 

Ahh, that's why he's here. "And I care how?" 

He shifts on his feet for a second. "There is something still between us. You know it, I know it."

"No there's not." I mumble.

He clears his throat. "If there wasn't then explain to me why you fucked me raw?" 

"I was horny and just wanted to..." I try to make an excuse.

"Oh come off it Brian. You and I both know we never got over each other." 

He's right. I know it. "Fine. Maybe there still is. But I can't-"

"Why not? Why can't you just admit that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you?!" He screams.

"I do!" I scream back. My brain doesn't register what I just said until a few seconds later. 

He stops and just stares at me.

"I do." I repeat. "Christ! I want to, okay?" 

Taking a step closer, he puts his hand on my arm. "Then what's stopping us?"

"I..." For an unknown reason I start to get pissed. "I'm married for one. I love Kevin."

"Fuck Brian! Would you stop trying to convince yourself of that?" He runs a hand through his blonde strands.

I don't know what say, so I just stand there breathing. 

"You told me the day of your wedding that you still loved me. You also said it last night. Is it true?" He asks softly.

I only nod.

"Good." He whispers and gently his lips touch mine. "Good." 

His lips are so soft that I can't help but kissing him back.

Pulling back, he looks me straight in the eye. "What about Kevin?"

"I can't keep living a lie." I tell him honestly. "Things haven't been working out for a while, but somehow we just keep forcing on." I press my lips against his once more.


	13. Crash

An hour later we are both panting and naked on the floor after an amazing session of sex, this time he was prepared with condoms.

Brian lazily traces circles on my arm. 

"Brian?"

"Hmm?" 

"Why did you come and tell me in person that you were getting married?" I ask propping myself up on my arm.

He takes in a breath. "To hurt you." Comes the honest reply.

"What?" I wasn't expecting that.

"I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to show you that even without you, my life went on." 

Pursing my lips together not knowing how to reply I finally say something. "Because I hurt you?"

Brian shrugs. "It was a mistake. I guess a part of me also wanted to see you. Know how you were."

"So now what?" I ask. 

"I don't know." 

I kiss him gently. "Well when are you going to tell Kevin?"

He looks confused. "About what?"

"About us." I state. 

"Who said I was going to tell him?" Brian asks sitting up.

I sit up next to him. "I don't understand. I thought after what you said and what happened ..." 

"What? You thought what?" He snaps.

"Well..." I inhale. "I just thought that you were finally willing to be with me. That you were going to leave Kevin. Get a divorce." 

"Why in the hell would you think that?" He asks reaching for his pants and pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

My mouth falls a gap. "Why would I think that? Because you sat there and told me things weren't working out between you two."

He takes a drag of the cigarette. "Justin, things are complicated."

"Brian what are you hiding? What don't you want me to know?" I ask feeling vulnerable.

Taking another puff of the stick he turns to me. "Look, just give me some time to figure things out."

"Fine." Comes my reply. "It's obvious that you don't want to leave Kevin. You're in a miserable situation and yet you still stay."

"And your relationship to Tim was so different? I see the way you two were together. You strung him along, made him believe that you were capable of loving him." He argues.

"It wasn't like that." I protest but know he's right.

Brian pulls the cigarette away from his mouth. "Then tell me why are you here with me instead of chasing after him? At least I'm trying to do right by Kevin. You just fuck with guys heads."

I pull back like I've been slapped. "You know what Brian? Take all the time you need because I'm done. I won't keep up this charade. You say you love me and that things are wrong between you and Kevin. Yet you won't leave him and expect me to allow this affair to continue." It never crossed my mind what was really happening, so this throws me for a loop. "That's all this is. You are cheating on your husband with me. Oh my God. How could I be so fucking stupid to believe that you would actually divorce him? You're Brian Kinney for fuck sake. It's what you do." 

Grabbing my pants, I pull them on followed by my shirt and everything else. I'm out the door without another glance. The world feels like it's crashing down around me and I know that I have to get out of here. The saddest part is Brian didn't come after me. Didn't attempt to do anything but let me walk out the door.


	14. Cast Me Out Pt1

  
Author's notes: This chapter is in two parts. It features Kevin's POV at the end. The end also turns into a songfic so you guys know. The song is "Room To Breathe" by Anthony Rapp. I heard this song and thought it was perfect for this part of the story.   


* * *

The light of from my laptop seems to blind me. I've been trying to work on this campaign for four hours now, but all that seems to cross my mind is Justin. It's been three weeks. 

"Brian?" 

I rub my eyes and glance up to see Kevin. "Oh hey." 

"Can we talk?" He asks nervously.

Closing my computer, I look up at him from my seat at the kitchen table.

"I found these in your briefcase." Holding up a box of condoms, he just looks at me. "Why do you have them?"

"Must be old." I reply.

He slams the box on the table. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. They..."

"Cut the bullshit! Be honest with me Brian" Tears are starting to form in his eyes.

Standing up, I'm not sure what to say. "It just happened."

"If it just happened then why did you buy a whole God damn box?!" One tear

falls down his cheek.

"What do you want me to say?"

Kevin just stands, glued to the kitchen floor for a few minutes. "It was Justin." 

I'm nodding before I even realize it.

"How long?" More tears follow.

I shrug. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me." He's almost sobbing now.

Closing my eyes, I take a breath. "Three times. Once before we were married, twice after."

"Did you...did you always use a condom?" He hesistates.

As I shake my head no, I hear him gasp and watch as his hand grabs a chair for support. 

"I'm sorry." It's all I can say.

"You're sorry?" He asks incrediculously. "For what? Blowing up our marriage into a million pieces? Proving that what I have built my life on for the past year was a sham? Or how about this one? Riping my heart out of my chest and crushing it beyond recognition? I know. Your sorry you got caught."

I can't listen any more. "That's not the way it was...is. I didn't mean for the thing with Justin to happen. I didn't plan on it. Just one night it-"

"That night. That night you said you had to meet a client. You were with him. To top it all off you had me... Oh God I think I'm going to be sick." Covering his mouth, he runs to the sink and soon the contents of his stomach now fill the basin.

I place my hand on the small of his back for support and he jumps back as if he'd been burned. "I just want to know one thing. I found a condom in the living room trash can a few weeks ago when I went to empty it. Was it from you and Justin?"

I suck in some air. 

"Well that answers that. Did you fuck him in our bed?" 

"Kevin.." I start trying to get him to listen to me.

He slams his fist down on the counter. "Did you fuck him in our bed?"

"No." 

"Then where? I want to know where."

Reaching my hand out to him, I pull it back quickly remembering his last reaction. "Why is so important to you? Why do you want to know so badly?" 

He scrubs his eyes for a second trying to rid himself of the tears. "Please Brian. You owe me that much. Where did you and he?" 

"The living room." I whisper.

"You know whats sad. I prayed that it was anyone but Justin. A hustler, a trick, even Michael. Just as long is it wasn't Justin." 

"Would it have made that big of a fucking difference?!" I scream, feeling like the world is closing in on me.

Kevin's head snaps up at that. "Yes. Brian. Yes. Because if it were a hustler, or a trick at most I would've known it was just a fuck. That there was nothing except the rush of you getting off. With Justin, God! With you and Justin it's so much different. You look at him like he's the only person in the room. Your eyes light up when he glances your way. Was I there just to fill the void he left?!"

"No. I love you."

"See that's where you're wrong. You never loved me." He runs his finger along the edge of the counter. "I want a divorce."

"What?" Comes my reply.

He just stares at me. "Don't act like you didn't know this was coming."

"I didn't."

A laugh fills the room. "Bullshit! Stop lying to me Brian. Stop fucking lying!"

"I don't know what you expect me to say." 

"Say you entered into a marriage you knew was set to fail. Tell me that you were waiting for the day when Justin came back to you. I bet you an he laughed your asses off at how stupid I was for thinking that maybe things between us would fix themselves and we'd live happily ever after." 

I take a step towards him. "Shut the fuck up. I told Justin I loved you. That I wanted things to work out."

"If you wanted things to work out so bad you wouldn't have seen him. Fucked him. Loved him." Kevin suddenly finds the floor tiles fascinating.

"Why is this all on me? I'm sure that you've done things behind my back. I'm not the only one to blame!" I scream.

He lifts his eyes. "You know what Brian? I may have been interested in other guys. They may have asked to take me home with them. The thing is Brian, I rememebered I was married. That I had a partner at home whom I loved and thought loved me. And yes I might have started alot of the arguments we had, but I would never do what you've done. What you've done is cruel and cold hearted."

"Kevin you understood I still had feelings for Justin. I told you the day we got married that a part of me would always love him."

Nodding at that he shrugs. "I didn't think that meant you'd still fuck him!"

"What do you want from me?!"

"Your signature on the God damn divorce papers!" Kevin yells with more tears. "I've already seen a lawyer. I'll have her send the papers over to you tomorrow. Now if you'll excuse me I guess I have some packing to do."

"Kevin.." I call to his retreating back.

He stops, but doesn't turn around.

"If it's anything to you, I really didn't want it to end this ugly. I did care for you." I tell him honestly. 

I see him nod before going upstairs. 

Taking a few moments, I head after him.

I find him sobbing as he puts his things into a case. He looks up when I enter the room.

"Why did you marry me?" He calms himself for a minute.

I sigh. I don't really want to get into this again. "Honestly?"

"Please." 

"I didn't want to be alone any more." I say bluntly sitting on the bed. "It's not like I was telling myself to go out and get involved with someone. You and I just somehow happened. I didn't plan on it. I didn't even want it."

"Then why keep it going?" Kevin sits next to me.

"Because you reminded me of Justin." 

He plays with his hands in his lap. "Did you ever love me?"

"I thought I could. I thought if I just convinced myself that I loved you I'd wake up one morning and I would. Kevin, I wanted to love you. I wanted to love you so much." I softly touch my hand to his cheek, grateful that he doesn't pull away.

"I know you did. But we can't keep living like this." He whispers.

I wipe away a few more of his tears and glance at the clock; 11:35 pm. "Tell you what. Why don't you just stay here tonight and tomorrow I'll drive you where ever you need to go."

"I.."

"Don't worry I'll stay in the guest room." I half smile.

"I guess that'd be alright." He replies slipping off his jeans and sliding into the bed. He's alseep almost immediately. 

Taking a seat by the window I can't help but stare at him.

_I still take you to bed, but it's the you I face instead_  
Where I use every word I never said to crack you open  
There was barely room to breathe  
Getting the skeptic to beleive that the goal wasn't to leave one of us broken  
If it's true nothing gets close to you for fear of melting down  
Then I've become the chosen one, an example for the crowd 

I knew this day was doomed to come. But the hardest part is that he loves me. Really loves me. And I can't help but realize that this could have been avoided.

_Your star is due for shooting and I'll be watching the night sky  
In hopes by then what binds us has come untied _

** KEVINS POV **

I know that he's watching me as I pretend to sleep. I feel like my whole life just fell apart into a billion tiny slivers. It is the hardest part to accept he knew we'd end up apart.

_I'm the tune of a lesser band_  
Sea legs on dry land  
Thinking how you foreited your hand to keep us from winning  
I watch them orbiting around you now, just like you showed them how  
And you reach out like the hand of God, a tap will keep them spinning  
If it's true they flock to you without your shepards call  
for change just let them range and see how far you fall 

When I found that condom I had a gut feeling that this was it. That my marriage was over before I even had come to know it. I didn't realize things had gotten so bad that I subconciously didn't see it. How could I not see it? How could I not know that my husband was having an affair? 

_Your star is due for shooting and I'll be watching the night sky  
In hopes that soon what binds us will come untied _

_Can I take it back? Can I take it back now?_

_It's what the loss of our friends brings_  
It's in the way you held my strings  
It's now all the little things I can't help but down  
Sometimes I wish I'd never known just how brilliantly you shown  
Right before you threw the stone to cast me out. 


	15. Cast Me Out Pt 2

Waking up, I notice I'm still sitting in the chair. Kevin's packing his suitcase on the bed.

"Umm, I'm going to go stay with Linds and Mel until I figure out what I'm doing." He informs me nervously.

I nod and stand up. "You can stay here."

"No. No I can't." Kevin closes his case. 

"I know. I have no clue why I said that." I reply standing helpless.

He grabs his coat out of the closet. 

"So let me just grab a shower and I'll take you over there." 

He just nods and sits on the bed. 

 

As I pull up to Linds and Mels house I sigh. "Are you going to be alright?"

Kevin won't look at me. "I don't know."

"If you need any money-"

"I won't." He finally turns my way. 

"Of course you don't." 

"Yeah." 

I take a breath. "I have no idea what I'm suppose to say here."

Kevin nods. "I better get going."

"I didn't want things to go this way." 

"Neither did I, but that's what happened."

I start to get out of the car. 

"Brian...don't make this any harder then it already is." 

Shutting my door I turn to him. 

"You should go find him." Kevin tells me after a minute.

I shrug. "Maybe. That's if he-"

"Please Brian. I really don't want to hear details." He rubs his eyes.

There's a knock at my window and I turn to see Gus.

"I'll, umm, talk to you later." Kevin says in a rush, grabbing his bag and heading towards the house.

Grabbing the handle, I open the door and get out to face my son. 

"Gus." 

Gus rubs his nose on his sleeve. "Dad, mom told me that you and Kevin are getting a divorce."

I nod. 

"So how does this work?" 

Oh fuck. I don't even know exactly how this works. "Well, Kevin and I are going to have to meet with our lawyers and papers are going to need to be signed."

"Are you going to still keep the house? Do I still get my room?" 

"Of course. That house is mine and mine forever." I assure him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He nods at me. "Mama told mom that you signed a prenep agreement. What's that?"

"Well Gus, it's a _prenup agreement_. Both Kevin and I signed it. Basically it just states what's mine is mine and what's his is his. It protects us."

"From what?" Gus wants to know. I really don't want to get into this with my kid and am grateful when I see Melanie trudging out through the snow.

She gives me a supportive smile. Ever since the munchers went to Canada, Mel and I have come to a makeshift truce.

"Gus, go help your mom in the kitchen." 

"Okay. Bye dad." Gus hugs me and runs towards the door.

"I'm sorry Brian." Mel places herself right in front of me.

I shrug. 

She hands me an envelope. "I just thought you might need a copy of this to give to your lawyer. It's the prenup." 

"Thanks." I whisper.

"I just wanted you to know that I wish things would have worked out." Melanie puts a sympathetic hand on my arm.

I stand there running my fingers along the envelope.

"Look, Brian I don't want to pry, but is this about Justin?" 

"Like it's any of your fucking business!" I snap. "Sorry."

Mel holds her hands up. "I shouldn't have asked. None of my business."

"It's just...I'm so fucked up right now." Why do I feel the need to confide in this woman?

"Linds wants you to be happy. _I_ want you to be happy. If that's with Justin..." And with that she's trudging back to the house.

Getting back into the vette, I start to drive around. With no destination, I suddenly find myself in front of the Taylor home.  
I spot Jenn getting into her SUV and she sees me.

As she approaches I step out into the street. 

"Brian! What a surprise." She smiles.

I can't help but smile back. "Jenn."

"What are you doing here?" It's not meant to be rude, but just a curious question.

"To be honest. I have no idea."

She looks a little confused. "Oh. Well how are things with you and Kevin? I know your anniversery was last week, are you planning on going any where?"

"No. Actually we're..." I stop after a second. "We're getting a divorce."

"Oh my gosh! Brian I'm so sorry." She exclaims. 

"Thanks."

Jenn runs a strand of hair behind her ear. "But I don't understand why you're here."

I shrug. "Neither do I." 

Her face goes white after a few seconds. "Your the guy that Justin had unprotected sex with."

I know that all the color has drained from my face too. "What? How did you..."

"When Tim and he were here, they had a fight. Tucker, Molly and myself heard it. It was mentioned." She says softly. "Let's go inside."

"No, I can't stay." I reply grabbing the car door handle.

She nods. "If you ever need an ear....I know how hard it is to go through a divorce."

"Thanks. I'll remember that."


	16. Milan

  
Author's notes: You guys can also find this story at http://www.livejournal.com/users/experimentalbj  


* * *

Milan is beautiful. The art is amazing, landscaping gorgeous, the people incredibly nice, but my heart is empty.

I cannot believe how my life has played out in the past month. After returning to New York my apartment seemed to huge, my life to complicated. On top of that I had to speak at New York University about abstract art and how society responds to it. It was so fucking nerve racking preaching to fourth year students, when I dropped out within my first two years of schooling. After NYU, everything I did seemed completely empty. So when Ann Ruel invited me to study with her and other artists in Milan for fourth time, I accepted thinking that if I just got out of New York, the U.S., that things would change. My life would somehow magically be back in order. But it's not. I still have all my problems, excpet now I have them millions of miles away from anyone I know. 

"Justin? Justin?" Andrew pulls me out of my thoughts.

Andrew Johnson is another gay american artist I met on the plane ride. He and I hit it off right away. If Daph and Emmett had a baby together Drew would be it. After fucking the first night, we became best friends.

"Yeah?" I reply turning away from the computer. 

He smiles at me. "You were just staring at that e-mail advertising tampons for the last half hour."

"Oh." I click out of it embarassed.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to see the lecture on Da Vinci and his technique with me." 

I rub my eyes. "No, that's okay. You go on a head."

"Justin, you haven't gone to one lecture since we got here two weeks ago." 

"I'm just not in the mood to go listen to some boring professor drone on in broken english about the wonders of how Picasso made a brush stroke. Or what each painting is suppose to mean even though we all know it's up to interpretation." 

Andrew wraps his arms around my shoulders. "Come on. All you do is eat, sleep and paint. You never leave this dorm. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. Ann Ruel personally paid for you to come on this trip."

I just shrug. 

"You know for being such a brilliant artist you sure are depressing." He laughs.

"Well just call me another tortured soul." I reply. 

Andrew unwraps his arms from around me and falls back on the bed. "Why do I fall in love with the mentally unstable?" He jokes.

I laugh. 

"Speaking of love, have you talked to the infamous boy who broke your heart? You know the one that you won't give me any details on. Including his name, nor any other information except you love him and despite the fact that he loves you, you two can't be together."

"No. I think that bridge has been burned beyond repair." I reply shaking my head.

Andrew grabs my jacket and throws it at me. "Well in that case, lets go find you a man. You know Terrance is interested in you."

"The guy from England?"

"That's the one." He gives me a wink. 

For some reason I feel even more depressed now. "I can't. After what happened with Tim and Brian.." I realize I said his name.

"Brian. So that's mystery mans name." Andrew smirks. "Brian what?"

"Please Drew. I don't want to think about him." 

He continues to grin. "Oh come on honey. You gotta spill. Because I can't believe that any man would turn down such an adorable guy like yourself." 

"It's complicated as is my life. You want to do me a favor, Drew? Make me forget about everything that has happened from the time I was 22 until now."

Drew drops himself into my lap. "Oh baby, I'm sorry. Le'ts go to the bar. Get shit faced."

"Nah. I think I'm just going to go the studio and paint." I reply rubbing his leg.

"Ahhhhlright." He sighs dramatically getting up. "I'll just have to go prowl for the boys on my own. Knock before you come in. You never know who I might have in here." He laughs bouncing off to shift through his closet.

I sigh and lean back in my chair. A knock fills the room and I hear Andrew skipping to the door.

"Hey Justin, Ann is at the door. Says she really needs to talk to you about that piece you did for the Gallery." Drew says holding a shirt.

I nod and stand up. "Hey Drew, if you need to use the computer, just get rid of what's on the screen first."

 

"What's up?" I ask Ann, stepping into the hallway.

She smiles and hands me a sheet of paper.

"What's this?" 

"Congratulations Justin! Within the past two weeks of being here, your work, your name is becomming the hottest thing in the art world."

I take a breath. "Ann, what are you talking about?"

"Your piece just sold for $100,000." 

I feel like the hall is suddenly spinning. "Excuse me?"

"Justin, this is huge. No artist within their first two weeks has sold a painting for that much money. You my dear are going to be the next Picasso. You've already taken New York, next is the world." 

Leaning on the wall for support, I'm not entirely sure how to respond. "Wow."

"Take a look at what's in your hand." 

I glance down. 

_Mr. Justin Taylor,_

_Your piece "Chaos at Midnight," has sold for $100,000. This makes you the highest grossing artist that the Ruel Artist Group has hosted. We congratulate you on your achievement and look forward to having you in our Milan base for the next two years._

_Regards,_

_Ann Ruel (President of Artist Relations)  
Robert Ruel (President of Finances and Accounts)_

"Thank you Ann. This is really unexpected."

She smiles my way. "Keep up the good work."


	17. Finalizations

  
Author's notes: So I was going crazy when I couldn't update on this site. But I finally can :) So here you guys go.  


* * *

I find myself sitting across from Kevin in a stuffy conference room. Both of our attorneys sit to our right and the judge at the end of the table.

"I want to remind everyone that this is not a hearing." Judge Myran starts. "We are going to review the divorce papers, prenuptual agreement. If all goes well I will be able to make this divorce official." He stops for a moment and shuffles through some papers. "It says here the reason is irreconcilable differences and that Mr. Brian Aiden Kinney committed adultry. Is this true?"

"Yes your honor." His attorney, Jacob Smithson, replies.

My lawyer, Kathryn Marks, gives me a look. "Your honor, despite the cited reason for divorce, my client and Mr. Kevin Henderson-Kinney had attorney Melanie Marcus draw up a prenuptual agreement. I believe that what or what not was termed cause of divorce is irrelevant." 

"Your honor, my client at the time of signing the prenuptual agreement did not realize that divorce would ever be a factor for him." Mr. Smithson states.

Kathryn snorts at that. "Who does? Divorce is not something that you go into a marriage thinking about."

"Mr. Marks, I have here you request to have the prenup state null and void."

"Yes your honor. My client and I feel that with Mr. Kinney's recent behavior, that allimony should be paid for emotional damages." 

Stealing a glance at Kevin, a million emotions run through me. I can't believe it. 

"In what amount?" Kathryn wants to know.

"Mr. Henderson-Kinney does not want money, but the residence that he and Mr. Kinney have shared for the past year." 

My heart feels like it has fallen into my stomach. "No." It's out of my mouth before I realize it.

"Brian." My attorney whispers. 

"Kathy anything but the house. That's my house. No." 

"Mr. Smithson, your honor. That request is absurd. Both Mr. Henderson-Kinney and my client agreed on the terms of the prenuptual agreement. As stated in the agreement 'in the event of a divorce or seperation, the prenuptual agreement will go into effect despite cited reasons for either event."

The judge nods. "I am aware of what the document states. Mr. Smithson, I am denying the request for your client to gain ownership of the home. However, I will grant Mr. Henderson-Kinney a one time allimony payment in the amount of $30,000. The prenuptual agreement is accepted." He signs the papers. "I now anounce this matter offical and finalized. Mr. Henderson-Kinney, Mr. Kinney you both are now legally divorced." 

Closing my eyes, I blow out all the air I was holding. 

"Brian, it's over."

I turn to Kathryn. "I know."

"Let's get out of here." She grabs my arm and I follow her out to the courthouse lobby. 

Kevin is conferring with his lawyer and I feel my blood start to boil. 

"What the fuck was that about?" I growl.

He turns to me. "Brian I..."

"You know what that house means to me." 

"My attorney advised me that was a smart move. I need to look out for myself and not just let you walk all over me. I deserved that house after the hell you put me through." He looks me in the eye.

Kathryn hands me my coat just as I'm stepping closer to Kevin. "Brian, no. Let it go. It's over."

"What happened to you?" 

"The man of my dreams broke my heart." He replies and leaves the building.

I grab my briefcase from her. "So what do I do now?"

"What ever you want. Concentrate on Kinnetic, take a vacation, throw a party..." She suggests.

I shrug. "Maybe I'll take a trip to New York.

"Brian...I can't even believe your going to think about that. After going through the two month divorce process, I just...you amaze me." Kathryn says exasperated.

"I do that to alot of people." Classic tongue in cheek.

"Be careful Brian." She says sincerely. 

"Always am." 

It takes me a minute to take everything in as I'm walking to the vette. 

 

"Hey Bri!" Ted calls as I walk into the diner.

Michael and Ben are back from their trip, Emmett is sitting chattering on his phone with the beau, and Blake is cuddling into Ted.

"Brian!" Michael is up and in my face before I know it.

"Mikey. How was Tibet?" 

"Great!" He exclaims before whispering. "I can't thank you enough. Ben really needed to go there. He really needed to see that before..well..."

"I'm glad." I nod throwing myself down in the booth next to Ted.

Blake takes a drink of his coffee. "So how'd everything go?"

"Fantastic." I answer sarcastically. "I'm officially divorced. Can we change the subject?"

Ben nods at me. "How's Kinnetic doing?"

"Fine. I've got to go to New York next week and meet with the ceo of Coca-Cola." 

"Kinnetic is being propositioned for a possible merger with a few International agencies." Ted's all smiles.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I shake my head. "Never going to happen Theodore. Kinnetic is it's own agency."

"Just a thought Bri."

"Anyways, my meeting is a couple blocks away from Justin. I was thinking about seeing him." I mention off-handedly.

Looks begin to exchange across the table. 

"What?" I want to know.

"Oh, well ummm...." Emmett starts.

"Jenn didn't tell you?" Mikey asks. "Or my mom?"

"Tell me what?"

Ben gives me a sympathetic look. "Maybe you should ask Jennifer." 

"Fuck that. Just tell me." 

Mikey starts to open his mouth, but Ben quiets him. "Go ask Jennifer."

Closing my eyes, I let out a groan. "Thanks a whole fucking lot." 

Anger flows through me as I yank the car door open and take off down the street towards the Taylor home.

 

Tucker is outside with Molly doing yard work when I pull up. He waves and Molly runs over to me. 

"Hi Brian." She blushes.

"Molly you look ravishing." This makes her turn red even more.

Tucker holds out his hand. "Brian."

"Tucker." I grasp it.

"What can I do for you?" He asks after a second.

"I actually came to see Jenn." 

Molly drops the weeding tool she was holding to the ground. "Yeah. Moms' here. I'll take you to her." 

Tucker laughs. "Anything to get out of weeding." 

"You know it." She giggles and I can't get over how much she reminds me of Justin. "Mom!" She calls once we're in the house.

Jenn appears. "Mol what is it?" She stops midstep when she sees me. "Brian!"

"Brian wanted to talk to you." Molly excuses herself to the kitchen.

"What can I do for you?" She motions for me to sit in the living room with her.

I drop down onto the sofa. "My divorce was finalized today."

"What a relief that must be for you now that that mess is over." She agrees sitting next to me. 

I nod at her. "Yeah."

After a moment she places her hand on my arm.

"Jenn, Justin always said what a great mom you were." I muse. 

"Brian?"

Suddenly I find myself feeling really ridiculous, sitting here in my ex-fiances mothers home, seeking her comfort. She's the kind of mother I wish I had. Loves her children unconditionally, sacrfifices her need for theirs, protects them. "I have got to get going."

She grabs my hand as I start to stand. "Brian, what's going on?"

"I don't know!" I'm so fucking frustrated with my life.

"You really miss him." 

I'm nodding at that. "Yeah I really do. I had it all and then I had to go and mess it up."

"All you can do is move on. At first it's going to seem really hard. When Craig and I first split I felt like I failed myself and my children. The thing you've got to remember is that these things happen." She consoles.

"What?"

"Eventually you'll find it easier to wake up in the morning and not see his face." 

Then it hits me. "Jenn, I wasn't talking about Kevin."

"Then who-oh! Justin." 

"I'm going to be in New York next week on business. I wanted to stop in and see Justin."

Jenn readjusts her position on the sofa. "I'm afraid that's not possible."

"I'm not going to hurt him Jenn. I just hate the way things were left between us." I tell her honestly.

"No, I mean he's not going to be there." 

"What? Where is he?" 

She takes breath. "Before I tell you, will you tell me something?" 

I nod. 

"Do you love my son? Really, truly, with all of your heart and soul love my son?" She says bluntly.

"I love him more then anything." I respond without a second thought.

"I thought so." Jenn smiles sadly. "When Justin was speaking at NYU, he was asked if he'd be interested in studying art in Milan. They had been propositioning him for a few years but he kept turning it down. Well, this last time he took the opportunity."

I can't believe this! When? How? "When is he coming back?"

"He's, umm, he's going to be there for two years. Maybe more."

All the air feels like it has left my body. "Two years?"

"Brian, he wants to start his life over. I don't know many details about what happened between you two, but my son was deeply affected by it." 

"I -"

She shakes her head. "I don't want to know. What occured between my son and yourself is none of my business."

"Thanks Jenn." I reply starting to stand up.

"Brian for what it's worth, Justin is there with the Ruel Artist Group." 

Nodding at her I make my way through the house and out to my car. Once inside the vette, my head falls to the steering wheel and for some reason I feel like my chest is collapsing.


	18. Art Forum

"Thank you so much." I plaster on a smile for the man in front of me. 

"Mr. Taylor your work is fascinating." A woman extends her hand.

I smile at her. "Thank you so much."

Another woman taps me on the shoulder. "Young man, your paintings are absolutely beautiful."

It's becomming a system. Say thank you, shake hands, smile. 

This is the fourth show in five months, but I love it. My life is starting to become what I'd imagine it to be. True New York was good to me, but here I'm on the international level. 

"You are by far the star of this show." Drew laughs throwing an arm around my shoulder.

I wrap my arm around his waist. "Yeah. My stuff is the best." I chuckle.

"Well I'm glad to see your no longer the depressed, tortured soul you were when you got here. But I'd tone down cocky motherfucker." He playful punches me in the shoulder.

We start to walk away from the crowd and end up in front of one of my still lifes. I can't help but sigh.

"Is that him?" Drew hugs me a little tighter to him.

"Yup. That's Brian." 

He rubs my shoulder a little bit. "I don't understand. Honey, if you are trying to forget about Brian, why paint him and drudge all that shit back up?" 

"Because I'm a hopeless mess?" I try to smile. "He was my life since I was 17. Drawing that body is like second nature to me. I know that body, I've had that body."

"Okay, careful your drooling all over me." Drew laughs. "Anyways, I thought it was goodbye past and hello bright shiny future."

I pull myself out of Andrews embrace. "Yeah so did I."

"Just concentrate on your art. That's all you need to do. No alcohol, no sex, no men." 

"This coming from the queen who wants me to hook up with every guy who shows remote interest in me."

Once again I feel Andrews arms go around me. "Baby I just want you to have fun. If you need to take a vow of abstinence then I'm there for you." 

"Thanks Drew." I reply leaning into him.

A flash goes off behind my head and that signifies it's time to get back to the show. 

"Catch you later, Jus. I've got to see how many people adore my stuff so far."

I turn around to notice Simon from Art Forum. "Mr. Taylor, we meet again."

"Hello." I respond. 

He takes out a pen and paper. "Your work is by far the most fascinating out of all the talent here."

"Thank you."

"I notice that piece your standing in front of is more emotional then your other works. You seem to have an raw emotional attachment with the subject matter. I say this is probably one of the best pieces in the entire show. If I may pry, can I ask who this person is?" Simon asks with an air of arrogance.

Even though I haven't been in that society for years, I still remember how to be a wasp and put on my best wasp face. "I appreciate you saying that sir. Unfortunately the identity of my subject must remain a secret. I hope you understand."

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that as an answer, but still your work is exquisite. Maybe even more so then the large scale canvas I wrote about a couple of years back." He smiles and excuses himself. 

After all these years that man is still a fucking cunt.


	19. Office Trouble PT 1

"Where the fuck are the boards for NIKE?!" I demand. 

Cynthia gives me a look. "The boards are in the conference room."

"Well why aren't they in my office?!" 

"Jesus Brian, what's your problem?" She sits down on the sofa in my office.

I step out from my desk. "Oh nothing except that NIKE is going to be here in an hour and I was not notified where the boards were put."

"Brian, this can't be just about the NIKE boards. You have been like this since the day of your divorce. Is this about Kevin? Are you still not over Kevin?" Cynthia says gently.

"No this is not about Kevin! I was over him long before the papers were signed." I spit.

She scratches her ear and for some reason a picture of him flashes before my eyes. "Then what? The staff around her is walking around on eggshells, everyone's afraid of your temper, Ted's going crazy trying to keep everyone happy and productive. Hell I'm going crazy with all the interns running to me everytime you go off on one." 

"Look I'm just under a lot of pressure lately." 

"I don't buy that. I know you."

I shoot her one of my infamous 'don't fuck with me' looks.

She smiles. "Fine. I'll but out." She starts to leave. "Oh by the way Art Forum magazine wants to know if you'd be interested in possibly running a campaign for them. They say they hate what their inside advertisers have been doing and want to reach a broader audience. They sent over their latest issue for you to look over." She hands me the magazine that I didn't even realize she was holding. 

Ted pops his head into the office. "Brian, Mr. Jameson from NIKE is here. He said he apologizes for being early, but he was just notified of a problem at home base and hoped you could see him now. Also Carrie Martin the new intern lost the contract that Brown Athletics faxed over."

"Fuck. Okay, thanks Ted. Tell Mr. Jameson I'll be right with him. Have Carrie see me in my office when the meeting is over." I inform him.

Cynthia pats my shoulder. "Give Carrie a break. She's really nervous and wants to make a good impression on you."

"By loosing my #1 clients contract?" Comes my sarcastic reply. I recieve a dirty look. "Fine."


	20. Office Trouble Pt 2

  
Author's notes: all my chapters are not beta'd. just an fyi. but yeah i've been working like mad to get this story done.   


* * *

"Thank you Mr. Jameson. I'll have my senior vice president, Cynthia fax over a contract as well as some possible options for advertisements."

Mr. Jameson shakes my hand. "Thank you Brian. It's been a pleasure."

"We'll be in touch." I walk him to the door. 

"Mr. Kinney, I just wanted to apologize for the Brown Athletics contracts. It was a complete accident and will never happen again." Carrie says nervously trying to catch up with me as I make my way back to my office.

I stop her at my door. "Ms. Martin listen closely. You ever fuck up agin and loose any papers sent over by my top clients and you will be gone. No recomendation letters, no severance pay. Nothing."

"Sir, I understand. I promise I'll never do anything to-"

"Ms. Martin why are you standing here groveling to me when there are phones to be answered and contracts to fax." With that she's off to her desk and I'm heading to mine.

Sighing, I grab the copy of Art Forum. I know this magazine. _He_ use to get this magazine sometimes. Show me all the great things going on in the art world. Or the newest top of the line paintbrush. 

So I throw myself down into my chair and start to flip through it. That's when a headline catches my eye. "Justin Taylor Worlds Next Picasso." 

_You may remember Justin Taylor from my article in 2005 about his large scale canvas. Well this man has matured as an artist in the past six years and has taken New York by storm. He now is currently studying with Ann Ruel at the Ruel Artist Group in Milan. One of his pieces displayed at the RAG Gallery is one that upon first look is very simplictic. As I look closer at this charcoal work, the raw emotion and connection that Mr. Taylor has with the subject is very apparent. When I asked him who the beautiful man was, he was very tight lipped and so it remains a mystery. See below for pictures from the event._

My eyes travel down and I immediately pick out the blonde in various shots. One of him greeting people, another of him standing next to his work and then there's one of him and another man embracing with their backs to the camera. I can't help but feel a little jealousy towards the other boy. Which is wrong because Brian Kinney does not do jealousy.

Then something catches my attention. Me. It's me. The painting that was described in the article, the mysterious person is me. That makes no sense because that would mean that he still thought about me and he's in that picture holding another person.

"Cynthia! Cynthia!"

"What? Brian?" Cynthia appears in my door slightly out of breath.

I grab the files that were on my desk. "I need you to take care of NIKE and Brown. Also call Art Forum and meet with them."

"What?" She looks flabbergasted.

"I'm going to be going out of town and you and Ted are going to be in charge." 

Cynthia puts the papers down. "When will you be back?"

"I, umm, I don't know." 

"You don't know? Brian, Ted and I-"

"Are perfectly capable of running Kinnetic on your own. I wouldn't have made you senior vice presidents and management if I didn't think you could handle it." I usher her out of the office and almost into Ted.

"Brian I need you to-"

"Whatever it is Ted, you and Cynthia take care of it." I cut him off.

Ted looks from me to Cynthia. "What's going on?"

"I'm leaving today." 

"For where?" He wants to know.

I pull my keys out of my pocket. "Milan." That said I'm walking out the door.


	21. A Pictures Worth A Thousand Words

"Look who's got an article written about them in Art Forum." Andrew sing songs.

I concentrate on the canvas in front of me. "I don't care."

Drew stands in front of the easel. "They also have a picture of me in there."

"Great." I say flatly.

"Oh come on, aren't you even remotely interested in seeing it?"

I throw my paintbrush down. "Will it get you to leave me alone?"

"Maybe." He smiles and shoves the magazine in my hands.

I look down and did not expect what was in front of me. "Oh my...fucking..."

"Yeah, pretty incredible. You've made Art Forum twice already."

"No, no, no. Drew look!" I point to the picture of the drawing I did of Brian.

Drew shrugs. "I know you'd probably them use something more complex then a charcoal."

He's not getting it. "Drew! Brian's picture is in Art Forum. It can't be in Art Forum."

"Why? You drew it." 

"I just..it just shows that I'm not over him."

"Well your not." Drew grabs the magazine out of my hands.

I cross my arms.

"Let's go get shit faced." He wiggles his eyebrows and I let out a little chuckle.

"Nah, I think I'm just going to stay here. Paint." 

"Alright. I'll leave you alone. If you change your mind, I'll be in our room."


	22. Here I Am

  
Author's notes: Okay so I finished the story last night, and it just so happens that everyday from now until Christmas I can post a new chapter. On Christmas you'll get the final chapter. :)   


* * *

So here I am standing in a Milan airport after being on a ridiculously long flight that I had to pay a fucking mint to get on. I have no idea what I'm doing here. Because Brian Kinney doesn't drop everything for a fucking twink. But he's not. He hasn't been one for a long time. 

I grab my bag off the luggage carousel and head off to try and find a taxi. 

"Where to?" The cab driver asks in broken english.

Oh fuck. I have no idea where I'm going. "The Ruel Artist Group."

"Street?" 

"I don't really know. It's an art gallery."

He scratches his head. "I think I know where you need to go."

About ten minutes later he's pulling up to a building that has RAG Group on it. "Thank you." I hand him his money and head inside.

"Excuse me sir, can I help you?" An American woman asks from behind the front desk.

I clear my throat and pull my bag higher on my shoulder. "I was looking for Justin Taylor."

"Are you a reporter?" 

"No. I'm a friend of his from Pittsburgh." I tell her.

She picks up a list. "Your name?"

"Brian Kinney." 

"Was he expecting you? Your not on the list." She checks.

I shake my head. "No. I wanted to surprise him."

"Well let me buzz his room." 

The lobby is filled with paintings and a few artists are sitting at a table off to the side. 

"Sir, I'm getting no answer. You can head up there if you like, just take the elevators behind me to the fifth floor. Room 039." She hands me a pass.

My legs are carrying me to the elevator almost before I take the pass from here. The fifth floor seems like it takes forever to get to, but finally the doors open. Room 039 is the first door to my right and suddenly my hands are shaking. Fuck. Why am I nervous? This is Justin for fuck sake. I finally knock.

"For Christ sake Justin. It's about time. You've been in your studio for the last two days. I forgot to give you your keys when I came over with the Art Forum." I hear someone padding towards the door. "So spi-" He yanks the door open and spots me. "You're not Justin."

I straighten out my shirt. "No. I'm looking for him."

"You're Brian." He states.

"Yeah, and you are?"

"Oh. I'm Andrew Johnson, Justin's roommate. Come in." He opens the door.

The room is a little bigger then a normal dorm. They have a small kitchen, computer and desk, a bathroom and two beds. Looks like a small loft. 

"Nice." I comment.

Andrew closes the door and turns to me. "Thanks. I'm sure you're not here to comment on our room, though."

Setting my bag down on a kitchen chair, I can't help but notice how one side looks like Justin and the other looks like Emmett exploded in here. "I came to speak with Justin."

"You could have called him. He's trying to move on with his life and your being here isn't going to help that. So tell me Brian, what do you want? To fuck him over again?" 

Who does this kid think he is? "This isn't any of your fucking business. My relationship with Justin is none of your business."

"The fuck it isn't. I'm the one who watched helplessly as he pulled into himself. I'm the one who had to pull him out of that depression when he first got here. I'm the one who had to drag his ass out of bed some days because he was too upset to get up. So don't tell me it's not my business. I had to clean up your mess!" This queen yells.

"I just want to talk to him. I need to see him." Why am I pleading my case to him?

Andrew comes closer to me. "If you hurt him I-"

"Drew!" 

My head snaps to the door where a ragged, tired looking Justin stands. 

"Jus! Have you been at the studio this whole time? Are you alright?" Drew runs over and hugs him.

Justin nods. "I'm okay, Drew. I have been at the studio. I fell asleep on the floor and realized that I probably should come home and get some rest."

Andrew pushes the hair out of Justin's eyes. For some reason I want to go over and punch the little fucker. "Do you want me to get rid of him?"

"No. It's alright. Give us a minute." 

"Okay. I'll be downstairs in the lobby if you need me." Andrew opens the door and leaves.

Finally we're alone and I have no idea what to say to him. "Hi." Is the best I can manage.

"Brian." He answers setting down his portfolio.

"Looks like your doing good." I state.

Justin bends down to untie his shoes. "What're you doing here, Brian?"

"I saw the article on you in Art Forum." 

"So?" He shrugs setting his shoes in the closet.

"I wanted to see you." 

He comes into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Now you have, and now you can go."

"Justin, can you please just stop and look at me for a second. I need to tell you something." 

He finally stops trying to avoid me and leans against the counter. "Talk."

"I'm divorced." 

"That all?" Justin takes a sip of the water bottle.

I'm a little confused by his reaction. "What do you mean, is that all?"

He gives me another shurg. "Just that."

"Well I thought you'd want to know."

"Why?"

I take a seat in one of the chairs. "Why? Because that's what you wanted."

"Please Brian, don't tell me the only reason you divorced Kevin just to come and get some fast sex. If you did then I'm sorry, you're wasting your time."

"Actually he wanted the divorce."


	23. Hurting

" _He_ wanted the divorce? That explains alot."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Justin, fuck...it doesn't matter who wanted it first. The important thing is it happened."

"It does matter. I laid myself on the line and told you how I felt that night in _that_ house. I thought _us_ was an option and do you remember what you said? You said why in the hell would I think that you were going to leave Kevin for me. If he hadn't have divorced you, you'd still be with him." I'm so fucking livid at him.

Brian rubs his eyes. "Justin, it would have happened eventually. Regardless of who wanted it first."

"Right." I roll my eyes. "Eventually would have never come. Because you wouldn't even dream of leaving him. Not for a second."

"I love you." He says and that stops my heart for a second and then I remember.

"You love me. Do you even know what love means Brian? Aren't you the one who said that you loved Kevin? Love is just a word to you. I remember a time when love was a word you would never say, yet here you are sputtering it around." I'm so angry at him.

Brian shakes his head. "I do Justin. Really, I do love you."

A laugh escapes me. "I use to wish you'd say that to me. God, Brian I use to fantasize that you'd say that to me just once. The first time you said it I thought my heart was going to explode from happiness. You telling me you loved me, ME outside in the parking lot. Best feeling ever. But now I know that love is just a four letter word."

"I want you." 

"Oh, now you want me? For what? Another cheap fling?" I want him to understand. Hurt, grieve just as I have for most of the year.

"For you! For who you are. The person I am with you." He stands in front of me.

All the anger and frustrations suddenly leave me and I'm left with exhaustion. 

"Please, Justin." Brian whispers and leans in, running his fingers through my hair.

His lips are so close to mine, and I can feel his breath. Smell his cologne. 

"No." I push him away. "No. You cannot just waltz back into my life and expect me to forget what's happened." I can't face him anymore and turn to stare into the dark tunnel at the bottom of the sink.

"God Damnit Justin!" He exclaims.

"I can't do this. I thought I could. I thought that seeing you again wouldn't be this hard." I say bringing a hand to my forehead.

"When were things between us ever easy?" He muses.

"There is no us. There hasn't been an us for years. Only a brief but disasterious affair." 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Brians head shake. "No. There's always been an us."

I let a few minutes go by. "Why didn't you come after me?"

"I don't know. I guess that I felt that I needed to try with Kevin." 

"I meant when I went to New york. After we ended it, why didn't you try to get me back?" A question I've been wanting to know the answer to for years.

Brian grabs my shoulder and turns me to face him. "You had your life-"

"Don't feed me any more crap about my life, your life and how we moved on."

"Fair enough." He takes my hand. "I guess it was my pride. I couldn't bring myself to come after you."

I nod. "Because I hurt you."

"No-" He looks away.

I place my hand on his cheek and guide his eyes to mine. "Don't lie."

Brian half smiles and nods. "Yes, you hurt me."

"I know." I do. The second I hit the send button on the e-mail, I have regretted doing it. I couldn't even call or tell him in person. 

"Dear Brian, I love you. I really do. But things are so different between us that I don't know if I can do this any more. Like you said, it's only time. So I'm asking you to move on with your life. I know you Brian, better then you know yourself. You're probably taken this as a rejection, but it's not. It's me letting you live your life without having to worry about me. I love you so much. Justin." He repeats to me. "I read that a million times to make sure I wasn't making things up." 

Tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry. I wish I could take that back. Take back the last six years of my life. But now I have to go on like I told you too."

"By punishing yourself?" He takes my hand into his. 

"What other choice do I have?!" The tears start now. "I lost you! The best thing in my life. The only man my heart ever belonged too. It was my fault!"

Brian wipes away my tears with his thumb. "You do have a choice. You can choose me. You can choose to live a life with me."

I want to say yes so badly but I can't. "I'm sorry." It's a whisper. "Please go."

"Justin, I can't accpet that." The look in his eyes is one of hurt and desperation.

"You have too." I sob. "Please Brian. Please just go."

Brian lifts his bag off of the chair. "Fine. I'll go."

"Why don't you fight for me?!" I scream. I can't even see straight because of my tears. "Why?!"

"I've already fought for you. It's up to you whether or not we win the war." 

There he leaves me with my tears, against the counter watching the door slam. 

** BRIANS POV **

I pass Andrew on my way to the front door.

"You...He needs someone. You maybe." I manage to get out to him.

"Did you hurt him? I told you-" There's a fire in his eyes.

"No. He shouldn't be alone right now." 

That sends him running to the elevator.

Taking out my cell I speed dial to Liberty Airlines. I was planning on staying a week, but due to circumstances with Justin, things didn't happen that way. 

Being the CEO and President of a major advertising agency does have it's perks, and my flight is changed to the next available without question. 

** JUSTINS POV **

Drew walks in to find me on the floor in tears.

"Fucking...what the hell did he do?!" He's at my side in half a nano second.

I can't give him an answer.

"Baby, tell me."

Inhaling slowly, I finally find my voice. "Brian, oh God Drew, things are even more fucked up then before."

"How?"

"He came across the world to see me. And what do I do? I ask him to leave." 

Andrew wraps his arms around me. "It'll be okay. Remember your plan? Concentrate on your art. Concentrate on being here." 

"I don't think I can do that any more." 

"Well then what are you going to do?" He kisses the top of my head. 

I wipe the tears out of my eyes. "I don't know. I just don't want to deal with this."

"Sweetie, whether you want to or not, you're going to have to deal with it."


	24. Flashes

  
Author's notes: This part takes place over the course four months.  
  
1st pov-september  
2nd pov- october  
3rd pov- november  
4th pov- december  
  
I needed the next chapter to be at a certain point, and I wrote this to set up for it. It was just thrown together because I didn't like how the previous chapter and the next chapter went together.   


* * *

** BRIANS POV **

"Sir do you need another drink?" The flight attendant asks.

I wave my hand. "No. Thanks."

I can't believe what transpired in the last week. I fucking flew to Milan to see Justin. What the hell was I thinking? Brian Kinney doesn't do spontaneity. Brian Kinney doesn't drop a couple grand to catch a flight to Milan. Yet, I just did. 

Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. I can start my life again when I get back into the city.

"We are now touching down in Pittsburgh Internation Airport." The pilots voice pulls me out of my sleep. I notice that my tray table is up and that it's light outside. Fucking time zones. "The time is now 4:45 pm. The weather is 73* F and it's a sunny day. We ask that you please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop. Once again from all of us we thank you for choosing Liberty Air for your travel needs."

 

**JUSTINS POV**

It's been hard trying to forget the whole eposoide with Brian. Yet, somehow day after day, I swallow it down every morning not allowing it to effect me too much.

"Put on your cutest, bubble butt jeans, tightest baby tee and join me at Club Lambruse, the hottest gay club in Italy." Andrew pulls me off of the bed.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not in the mood."

"Don't you want to come out with me and celebrate my 29th birthday. Last one until the big 3-0." He dances me around the room.

I met Brian when he was 29. There was something about him, and I knew we'd end up together. Even before I spoke to him.

"Drew." I whine.

He stops dancing. "No. I will not have you moping around this room any longer. We are going out." 

"Fine." I reply and head to the closet.

He smiles. "Good."

** BRIANS POV **

"Dad, dad are you listening to me?" Gus asks.

I look up from my computer. "Yes Gus."

"Then what'd I say?"

"That your an annoying offspring that Linds and I shouldn't have had?" I smile at my son.

"Shut up dad. I said Kevin took me to New York City last weekend and we had dinner at -"

"Wait! He took you to the city last weekend. Why?"

Gus shrugs. "Yeah me and mom. Anyways we went to this art gallery and they had these awesome postcards of works of art. Kevin bought me this one." My son hands me the card. 

The work is good, intense. Then I notice who it's by. Justin Taylor.

"Gus where'd you get this at?" 

"Umm, the Byrnes Gallery. Kevin was there for a pediatric aids fundraiser." 

"Put it away." I shove the postcard back at my son.

He looks a little surprised. "Dad? What?"

"That's by Justin." I point at the paper he's now putting back in his backpack.

"For real? Justin. Justin Justin?" 

I nod. "That's the one."

"Oh. Mama told me that I shouldn't talk about him in front of you." Gus notifies me.

"Why'd she say that?" 

Gus shrugs and wipes his nose on his sleeve. Justin use to do that. Always reminded me of a five year old. "Because mom said that you went and saw him in Italy. She said things didn't go very well."

"No Gus, things didn't go very well at all." I pull him to me. "But you know what? Your old man has learned that you should never compromise who you love just because your lonely."

"Dad you're not making any sense." 

I smile and let him go. "I know. But eventually you'll understand what I'm saying." 

 

** JUSTINS POV **

Christmas is almost here. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I got here. It seems like its been a hundred years. I came here believing that as soon as my feet touched Italian soul, my problems, my emotions would just go away. That Brian would go away. 

My phone starts to ring. It's probably Drew, going on and on about how brilliant his work is. Trying to ignore it, the damn thing keeps ringing. Finally I press the talk button.

"What?"

"Umm, Justin?" The voice replies. I know that voice.

"Tim?"

I can almsot hear him smile through the phone. "Yeah."

My mind can't comprehend that I'm talking to him. "Why are you calling? I thought you hated me. After what I did to you."

"I don't hate you, Justin. I could never hate you. Believe it or not I still love you."

Please, please, please don't let this be the reason he's calling. "Tim..."

"Justin, I read about you being in Milan a few months back in Art Forum."

"Seems like everyone has seen that article. Even though no one subscribes to it." I groan.

He clears his throat on the other end. "From the drawing you did, I assume you're back with Brian."

"Actually I'm....I'm not." I stammer.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

I can just see him rolling his eyes at me. "Why aren't you with Brian?"

"I, umm...I...it's well...it's complicated."

"No it's not."

I don't know how to respond.

"When you first told me about Brian, I could see it."

"See what?" I laugh.

"Your love for him. It was incredibly strong and amazing. The way you looked when anyone mentioned his names...I wished that once, just once you'd look at me like that."

My feet start to shuffle from one leg to the other. "Tim I-"

"Justin even if it's not with me, I want you to be happy. If that's with Brian, or in Milan or with a guy you haven't even met yet. Things may have ended ugly between us, but know that I never stopped loving you." He says softly.

"I can't say-"

"I know you can't say it back to me. Please, find a place where you belong and hold onto it." 

I nod though I know there's no way of him seeing it. "I'm not happy, but I'm getting there. Milan is good for me. It's helping me become a better person." 

"Then I'd say you're where you belong." With that the line is dead.


	25. Christmas Visitors

  
Author's notes: Let me just say this first, I know some of you are skipping the notes to see what happens lol. But it has been an honor and a pleasure getting to write this for you. The outpouring of e-mails and reviews have been really supportive. I don't think I've ever gotten this much of a response from any story I've written. Thank you for reading and enjoying this story. I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond to alot of the reviews and e-mails. I'm getting there. So that said, onto the last few chapters of CBTY.  


* * *

The Christmas tree sits in the corner. Lights, tinsel, ornaments hang from it's branches. Fuck why'd I promise that I'd put up a tree in my house for Gus and JR. The more I look at it the more I want to burn the mother fucker down. Just let the flames take it and this fucking house. Because Christ, the one man that I love, have ever loved won't come back to me. Won't be with me. I never realized how much I needed him. Christ I sound like a lesbian. 

I take another swig of my beer. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't made the plea for him to go to New York and follow his dream, where we'd be. He'd probably be driving me nuts right now with all the Christmas shit. Running around last minute to find perfect gifts for the kids, stressing over every little detail of the holiday. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. But he would be here instead of on the other side of the God damn earth.

I take another drink of the alcohol and lean against the back of the chair. Sleep suddenly becomes a good idea and as my fingers relax the beer bottle crashes to the ground, but I'm too exhausted to even acknowlege it.

 

What? I look up trying to see what pulled me out of the comfort of sleep. Then it happens again. The door. God damn Linds. I fucking forgot she was bringing the kids over for presents and Christmas cheer. Hurfuckingray.

I roll over and stand up when something sharp pricks the bottom of my foot. Looking down I see the broken bottle of beer laying in shards on my hardwood floor. Almost like my life. Some parts better held together and others nothing more then silvery slivers.

The knocking becomes more insistent. "Fuck. I'm coming. Linds, the presents aren't going any where."

Whipping the door open, I ready myself to be impaled by the 7 year old JR. "Okay Linds..." But the person at my door stops time for a second.

"Hello."

"Well if it isn't Joanie. My God fearing, good christian mother. To what due I owe this pleasant surprise?" I say sarcastically.

"Brian." She whines. "I just came by to tell you that I'm heading to church today. I was wondering if you'd take me."

I have to laugh at that. "How the fuck did you find me, first of all? Secondly you haven't spoken to me in over seven years, what makes you think I'd ever go anywhere with you, and thirdly mother your a drunk so how in the hell did you get here?"

She clutches her bag tighter. "That's no way to speak to your mother." She says like she's actually been my mother. "I went to your old apartment and your landlord gave me this address. I'm not a drunk Brian, but I did take a taxi here."

"You took a cab here just to ask me to church. Joanie you must be getting dimentia in your old age."

"Brian, you are still my son." 

"Oh _mother_ I haven't been your son since the day I was born. So why don't you just go home and pray for my soul like you do and I'll stay here and live my disgusting homosexual life." I bark at her and slam the door.

Not five minutes later there's another knock. "Fuck Linds that better be you." I yank open the door once more.

"Sorry, I'm not Linds." Comes a soft voice.

Suddenly it's like all my senses are knocked out of me. 

He smiles. "Well don't just stand there. Say something."

"Justin?" I rub my eyes. 

"Yeah. It's me."

I shake my head trying to get my mind to start working again. "What are you doing?"

"Winning the war."


	26. For Good

"What?" He's in shock.

I reach my hand out and grab his hand. "That's if your side hasn't surrended."

He leans down and the second our lips meet and I feel like I've finally come home.

"What about Milan? The art world? Your money?" He whispers, stroking my hair. 

"Nothing matters unless your there. The money, the art world, it doesn't mean anything without you." 

Brian grasps my arm and pulls me into him. "Are you sure? Is this what you want?"

I wrap my arms tight around him. "Yes."

With that I'm being pulled into the house and Brian's lips are on mine again.

"I want you." He breathes between kisses.

"Wait Brian...my luggage...on the porch..."

He shushs me with another kiss. 

My shirt is over my head and I pull at the buttons on his. I just need to feel his flesh against mine. 

"Pants.." I pant. He smiles and both are jeans are on the floor, followed by our shoes, socks and underwear.

We skip the foreplay and I pull him on top of me. "I want you in me. Now!" 

Brian strokes my cheek before lifting my legs over his shoulder. He enters me with just the cum from his cock acting as lube. He's slamming into me and my head slams into the sofa repeatedly. It's more then intense and we both are cumming within minutes.

I smile down at him, sweaty and panting on my chest. "That's the second time we've made love without a condom. Absolutely incredible." 

"Made love?" I can feel his grin on my chest. 

"Yes. Made love."

His breath tickles my chest as he chuckles. 

"We should really get cleaned up. The lesbian bunch will be here any minute." 

I nod. "Do we have to? Wouldn't you rather just lie here and make up?"

"Mmm..I would, but we've got plenty of time for that. Our whole lives."

"Why Brian? Are you becomming a romantic?" I tease.

He just blushes. "I've got to clean up my beer mess."

"What happened with that?" I want to know  
.  
He shrugs. "I was trying to drink away Christmas." 

"Well lets be glad you didn't."

 

After a quick shower, I end up back in the living room just in time to see Brian cleaning up the rest of the glass. I inhale Brian's scent on his robe.

"Mmm, that robe reminds me of another time." Brian says seductively, holding a dust pan full of broken glass.

"Later stud." I smirk.

The door opening pulls our attention.

"Brian, there were some suitcases on the porch." Lindsey anounces dragging my two cases in the house. 

"Justin!" Gus yells and runs up to me.

"Hey Gus." I hug him, earning me a very red Kinney.

Mel steps inside. "So what's going on guys?"

Brian makes his way to my side. "Linds, Mel, Gus...Justin's back."

"For how long? Did the RAG give you a week off for Christmas?" Linds asks.

"For good." I state feeling Brian's arms go around me. "For good."


	27. Epilogue

  
Author's notes: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  


* * *

** 3 YEARS LATER **

"Justin." Brian calls me away from my painting and into the kitchen.

I make one last stroke of color before setting the brush down and placing my canvas on the floor. I finally make my way to him. "Yeah?"

Brian looks pissed. "What did you do with my favorite navy blue Armani tie?"

Shrugging, I have no idea which one he's talking about. He has so many damn ties and some of them look the same, just different seasons. "I don't know where your fucking tie is. Did you check the closet?"

"Yes. It's not there." He whines. What a big baby.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you." 

He runs a hand through his hair. "Would you go check the closet for me?"

"Brian!" What the fuck?

"Please?" He gives me his best pout and I can't resist.

Groaning, I finally give in. "Fine."

After thoroughly checking the closet, the dresser and even the laundry hamper, I come up empty handed. 

"Brian, I have no fucking idea where it is!" I call coming down the stairs and into the kitchen where I left him. "Brian?" He's no where to be seen. Fuck it, he probably found it. 

I give one last call to him before deciding to go back in my studio. 

Something catches my eye hanging from my easel. Curiousity over comes my sensibilities and I take a few steps closer. 

That's when I see it. Brian's tie, tied around the top of my easel. What the fuck? I go to grab it, but it seems weighted. That's when I see it. A ring. 

"Do you like it?" Brian creeps up from behind me.

I turn so fast that I almost break the wood. "Brian, what..?"

"I want you to marry me." 

"Marry you? I thought that after all the shit with Kevin-"

He places a finger to my lips. "Not like that. I want you to marry me in your heart."

I think that's the most romantic thing Brian Kinney has ever said to me. Again, I'm speechless.

"What do you say? Marry me right now, right here." 

Looking down, my clothes are filled with paint splatters. "Brian, I'm covered in paint."

"So? We don't need to be conventional about it. Since when were we ever the conventional couple?" He pleads.

I can't hide a smile from spreading on my face. "Yes." 

"Good." He answers untying the ring from my easel. 

He takes out a larger ring from his pocket and hands it to me.

"What should we say?" I wonder.

He takes my hand into his. "What ever your feeling about me."

"Well then, I don't need words. There aren't any to describe it." I grin sliding the ring onto his finger.

"I love you. What can I say but from this day forward I will always come after you, no matter what." Brian finishes putting the ring on my finger.

We lean in and kiss for a long moment. 

"So how does it feel?" He asks.

"It feels like I have been waiting for this since the moment I met you." I tell him seriously. I really have. I use to fantasize that one day Brian and I would get married. Have a life, a family. 

That said, he leans down and kisses me again. 

"Somehow, Sunshine, I think I have been too." 

**Stay tuned for CBTY Extras (title currently unknown) that will contain chapters that happened pre, during and post FOW and CBTY. Kinda like a deleted scenes section of a dvd**


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